People Are DEFINATLEY Not Like New Shirts

So my first blog was about a new friend that I compared to new shirts.
I don’t have that new friend anymore. However, I do have two new shirts, and those shall be shared with the next new friend.
New friend translates into romantic interest. My next romantic interest better like those shirts!
I don’t want to think anymore that all men are the same.
I wish, so badly, that some amazing guy will prove me wrong.
Eventually, I suppose, someone will.
Have to keep hoping, right?

I Will Never Watch The 700 Club Again

So Pat Robertson thinks we should assassinate Hugo Chavez because it's a lot cheaper than war. I guess Hugo Chavez could be a threat to the United States. I tend to stay away from politics.

Even still, I don't think a public representative of Christ needs to blurt out that they feel an assassination is in order.

No wonder why people are so turned off by conservatism and Christianity.

Pat Robertson has made quite a few violent comments.

"If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
On Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, August 2005

"If they look over the course of 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."
On whether "activist judges" are more of a threat than terrorists, May 2005

"Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up."
Referring to the State Department's location while criticizing the agency, October 2003

I am Christian and I do have conservative views, but I just can't agree with him one bit.

I Feel Like This

If I walk out the front door, I just know that a bird will shit on me.

What I Wrote

Has confused a friend.

He thinks I’m too insecure. In some ways I am. In some ways everyone is.
My insecurities are the same as everyone else’s I’m sure. I fear rejection, disappointment and failure.

But, I do like me! I do, I do, I do!

I’m quirky and fun. I’m easily amused and bewildered.
I can be intelligent, but laughter is more important to me.
I’m not all that self-conscious, if I feel like busting a move at the grocery store to an elevator music version of Madonna’s Like a Virgin, I will.
I’m in love with the sound of my laugh.
I’m free with affection and words of affirmation. When I love someone they know. If I want to hug someone I WILL!
I’m kind hearted and compassionate.
I think children are better than adults. I try as often as I can to be a kid.

So, to my friend who thinks I’m crazy for feeling a little insecure as of late. Take that! I love me for all the same reasons you do!

The Award For The Most Analytical Goes To Me.

Thinking, thinking can’t stop thinking. Have to keep thinking. Thinking thinking thinking.

Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? If you have, then the above sentence goes perfectly with the melody to that “Keep on swimming” ditty that Dori sings. If you haven’t seen it then sing the above sentence to yourself in a short repetitive beat that has no breaks, bridges, and no chorus. If you can do that, you’ll get the idea of what my brain has been up to.

My brain is overloaded with all kinds of neat thoughts. Okay, so I lie when I say neat. Neat would be thinking about the Aurora Borealis or the Oregon Vortex.

No they are by no means neat thoughts at all. The thoughts don’t even ponder one topic. Below is an example. Obviously exaggerated for comical purposes.

Do they like me? Am I likeable?
If I’m likable, why won’t they sit next to me?
Do I smell? Do I smell like a toilet?
If I smell like a toilet, does that mean I have an over active pituitary gland?
What is a pituitary gland? I should find out, where’s my dictionary?
My bookshelf is mess, where am I going to put all my books?
Oh look here’s an old journal. When did I write this?
I should put this away. What was the point of digging through my books?
Ah ha! I remember. I’m looking for my dictionary. What did I need that for?
Here it is. Maybe if I thumb through it I’ll remember. Wait, this isn’t a dictionary.
It’s a desk encyclopedia! Oh no! I opened right to the page that talks about hysteria.
Am I hysterical? Is God trying to tell me something? Is this a sign? Ha! Signs I liked that movie.
Isn’t Joaquin Phoenix in that movie? He’s cute. Wasn’t River Phoenix his brother? Didn’t he die in The Viper Room? Isn’t that Johnny Depp’s club? Oh, Johnny Depp is cute. Would he think I’m cute?
Am I cute?
Do guys think I’m cute? If I’m cute, is that the only reason why they like me?

This goes forever until I find something shiny to distract myself with.

I’m not a head case though. I don’t do anything else that suggests I’m paranoid. I don’t sleep with crosses or weapons. I don’t lock myself in my house and hide underneath a table with a baseball bat. Okay, I did do that once. That’s another story and it was a reasonable thing to do.

Once again, this is something that I do that’s not fair to me or others.

People Are Nothing Like New Shirts

But I wish they were.

Yikes! A new person has forced me out of my safety zone. This sucks, and I hate that I feel like it sucks because I should be enjoying it. After all, friends are supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

Unfortunately, over the last year or so I’ve programmed myself to feel the opposite. I’ve somehow convinced myself that new friends don’t last. New friends are tricky and shouldn’t be trusted.

This is not fair to me or anyone who wants to get close to me.

Besides, new things are great! Everybody likes new things. The other day I bought two new shirts. I love them. But, the newness of a new person is just a little too scary for me. I wish getting to know a new friend were as easy as buying a new shirt. You go to the store, you find something you like, you buy it take it home and it’s yours. Until it breaks, goes out of style or you get fat and can’t wear it anymore. Pretty much free of any sort of complication or fear.

I’m sucking the fun out of getting to know someone because I’m insecure. So today I thought about it this way, I don’t look at those new shirts hanging in my closet and think, “Gee, you look a little shifty, how can I be sure you’re going to keep up you’re end of the bargain as my shirt?” Or, “Are you trying to trick me into thinking that you’re going to be a good shirt to me?” or, “In a couple months am I going to look in my closet and find you gone, leaving me feeling hurt and rejected?” No, I look forward to wearing them. I feel that they add something to me. Those new shirts make me feel new.

I should really try and feel that way about people or I’m going to leave them all out and be lonely.